Screwed.edu
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
