There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
