epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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