just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
