we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
