Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
