I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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