just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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