You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
