I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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