Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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