She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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