i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
