dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
where are my eyebrows?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
