he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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