I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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