I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
