I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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