you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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