marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
