Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
