so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
