I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
