3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
