I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
