I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
