i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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