Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sponge bath it is.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
