i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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