i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
