Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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