Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
