she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
