im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
