I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
