hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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