dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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