He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
