Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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