I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
