I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize