i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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