I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
