I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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