There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i out mim tonsoeep
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