Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
