i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream