please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy