Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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  (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q
  Replies (14) Good night (2165) Bad night (1346)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.

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  (206): Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick. http://tfl.nu/0596
  Replies (43) Good night (1286) Bad night (2888)
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  (858): View more from California

  This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.

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  (858): This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex. http://tfl.nu/bu7g
  Replies (6) Good night (654) Bad night (3523)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (912) Bad night (5487)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass

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  (541): definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass http://tfl.nu/ukpo
  Replies (6) Good night (1636) Bad night (772)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.

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  (360): just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe. http://tfl.nu/xu32
  Replies (6) Good night (2393) Bad night (1005)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick

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  (514): Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick http://tfl.nu/2v5j
  Replies (15) Good night (993) Bad night (1464)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

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  (717): Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years http://tfl.nu/kz81
  Replies (24) Good night (1140) Bad night (1027)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

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  (616): I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask?? http://tfl.nu/g9zb
  Replies (18) Good night (1895) Bad night (463)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face

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  (215): Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face http://tfl.nu/pn9h
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (423)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

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  (937): I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it. http://tfl.nu/wtlk
  Replies (8) Good night (2486) Bad night (624)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...

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  (919): I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going... http://tfl.nu/t999
  Replies (7) Good night (354) Bad night (1106)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

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  (860): he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE. http://tfl.nu/wid5
  Replies (5) Good night (1013) Bad night (370)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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  (914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b
  Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (564)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...it's a 9am class...

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  (602): You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer? (505): ...it's a 9am class... http://tfl.nu/7p5a
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (303)

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