will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.