so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?