Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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