i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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