I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
