Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
