I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
