Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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