I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize