i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
