My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
