I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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