Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
