Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
