Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
