I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
