I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
