I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it because I queefed?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
