Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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