Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
