Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
